Becoming a manager: Should I pursue it? How to become an effective people leader? Why would I trade coding for a life largely of meetings and navigating human dynamics? These are common questions regularly posed by software engineering leaders, including myself, as well as those contemplating their next step.
I wanted to share a few personal insights and experiences, shedding light on my journey into leadership and how it was something I originally had absolutely zero interest in pursuing. While I don’t believe there is any definitive playbook or checklist, I hope some of it may resonate with those considering a future in leadership or perhaps serve as food for thought for those who may have ruled it out the same way I had.
Like all kids, I knew I wanted to grow up and work with computers from a young age. Forget footballer, rock star, or doctor, a life spent bathed in the flicker of CRT monitors and the whir of a CPU fan cooling a machine 100 times the size and fraction the power of the phone in your pocket today; that was where it was at!
Of course, I’ve exaggerated here (I wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle), but from a relatively early age, I remember that technology just made sense to me. Whether it was my unofficial role as an eight-year-old tech support in our rural primary school (yes, Miss, the printer needs to be plugged in for it to work) to my Dad teaching me a little HTML when I was ten and subsequent weeks spent building a hobby website from scratch which never saw the light of day. There were no GeoCities shortcuts for me; I’d found something I figured I could make a go of.
Throughout my education and early career, the last thing I wanted was to step away from coding: “Let me tackle coding problems on my own, seek help when needed, and be a valuable team player,” or at least that is what I thought. The ‘People’ world should very much be left to the ‘People’ people. At least when you are debugging code, there is always a logical cause (whether or not we choose to accept after days discounting that thing as being the issue is another question).
People, on the other hand, are infinitely more intricate, and emotional reactions can seemingly defy logic at times. Why would I ever want to throw myself into a world where all the Stack Overflow questions in the world would not help?
So, when did I decide I wanted to move into leadership? I don’t know that I ever did. I’ve always been ambitious and always had a drive to try and be successful in whatever I set my mind to, but I never sat down and considered whether being a leader was the path for me.
To be totally honest, the whole thing happened somewhat by accident.
Imagine being given the chance to be part of establishing a brand-new engineering office in a different city. That was my opportunity — a whirlwind experience that launched me into a world I was entirely unprepared for. Suddenly, I found myself faced with daunting challenges: hiring individuals far more senior and experienced than me (never mind the fact it was also the first time I sat on the opposite side of the interview table), tackling the complexities of onboarding, mediating interpersonal conflicts, and being the go-to person for every question in the office.
At the time, I really wasn’t sure if this was for me (in fact, I was almost certain it wasn’t), but my ambition to prove I could said otherwise, regardless of whether I necessarily wanted to do it deep down. Maybe it was ambition, maybe it was pride, maybe it was sheer stubbornness, or a combination of all three. One thing is for certain; it wasn’t because I was a ‘People’ person, an extrovert, or that I see myself as some galvanizing, inspirational presence.
If I’d ever asked for career advice before taking my first steps into leadership, I imagine I’d have been further dissuaded from pursuing it. But I didn’t; I plowed ahead with no real idea what I was doing and hoped I’d figure things out, primarily to prove to myself that I could. Regarding my career and future job satisfaction, it was probably the best conversation I never had.
The first 6–12 months were rough. I didn’t know what I was doing, and whatever I was doing, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to be doing it for much longer. This was despite positive feedback from my manager, reassurance that things were going well, and that I was showing promise. All great things to hear, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like that at the time. At this point, it’s probably worth noting that I internalized almost all of this rather than chatting with my manager or peers. That wasn’t a great idea at the time, and I could almost certainly have made my own life much easier by communicating some of where I was at. Another lesson learned.
As a leader, I’ve made many mistakes and regularly reflect on countless instances where I could have done things differently, displayed more empathy, picked my battles, or stood my ground. I’m sure I’ll continue to misstep occasionally and continue to learn from these in the years ahead.
There was no specific moment when I suddenly felt confident or enjoyed the role. It required patience and a willingness to adapt. Understanding that being an excellent software engineer doesn’t guarantee success as a leader, even though some individuals excel in both domains. I certainly don’t consider myself the world’s greatest engineer. At best, I was competent, nor do I envision captivating Town Hall audiences from some vast stage in years to come. Instead, I can contribute value to those around me and genuinely love what I do each day. To me, that’s already a significant accomplishment.
If you are looking to get into it for the glory, or the desire to control everything, then in my opinion, you have the wrong motivation to begin with and face an uphill struggle. A friend of mine summed it up rather succinctly when we were chatting about this very topic:
“Good managers can take care of the intangible, to allow the tangible to happen.”
From my experience, leaders are most successful when they can exert significant influence but little control — what I mean by this is, find a way to create an environment that will allow a team of brilliant individuals to come together, thrive, and rally behind a shared goal. As a leader, knowing when to get out of their way becomes key to a team’s success. It’s a skill that takes time and practice, especially when transitioning from an individual contributor role, but it allows the team to shoulder greater responsibility and ultimately flourish.
Becoming a leader may not be a path you actively seek, but circumstances and personal drive can propel us into unexpected roles. My leadership journey was a mix of uncertainty, ambition, and gradual adaptation. I stumbled along the way and continue to do so, but each stumble teaches me valuable lessons. While there’s no foolproof guide, embracing the challenges and finding immense fulfilment in supporting others can make the journey worthwhile.
All the studying, mentoring, and role-playing don’t really prepare you for the reality of effective leadership. You have to live it, you have to be tripped up by challenging individuals and awkward conversations and make those mistakes to grow into the role. By all means, lean on more experienced individuals for support and advice, but from my experience, it’s when you take hold of the wheel that you really start to learn and grow. Above all else, give yourself time and space to get to grips with the role. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you inevitably struggle with some aspects, and don’t be too proud to throw your hand up and say, “Get me back to the IDE!” if you find that it’s really not for you.
Diving headfirst without knowing how to swim worked out for me (in the end), and it might be for you, too. However, I’m not necessarily advocating a career choice based largely on initial stubbornness and personal pride! If you are contemplating leadership or have already decided on a different path, at least give it some further thought — you might surprise yourself.
And yes, I can’t help but acknowledge the irony of this article, where I offer advice and insight into a potential leadership career, considering that I would have been completely discouraged by the same advice in the past! I’ve largely given advice and suggestions that I didn’t heed at all! As I said, people can seemingly defy logic at times. It just goes to show that we can evolve in unexpected ways. Embrace the contradictions, embrace the unpredictability, and embrace the opportunity to prove yourself wrong.
A Reluctant Leader: How I Embraced the Role I Never Wanted was originally published in Better Programming on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.